Money makes the world...

Many years ago I was in the show Cabaret; in that show there is a big number called “Money”.  The Emcee sings about how money makes the world go round and that everyone would rather have it than be poor.  I have always thought that that statement rings true.  Unfortunately since having kids I find that the idea of the song hits me a lot harder than before.  Don’t get me wrong my family is not poor and living on the streets but we do live paycheck to paycheck.  I work a 9 to 5 and make a decent living and my husband works freelance.  We scrimp and save and put every penny to bills.  There are days that we splurge but inevitably I feel guilty after.  The other night my husband and I went out for a much needed adult night.  We met some friends at a local restaurant.  We had a great evening and by all accounts didn’t spend that much, about $60 between the two of us.  It was time that we needed to reconnect with our friends and have a night away from the kids.  Now in hindsight I feel so guilty about it.  We spend money that could have gone to rent, car payments or any number of bills we have during the month.  But no, I chose to selfishly spend it on myself for a night out.  What kind of mother does that make me?  Part of me says a bad one.  I used that money for my own pleasure when it could have been better spent.  Then again part of me says don’t beat yourself up.  A good mother knows when she needs some time away to recharge.  A good mother realizes that she needs a night out once in a while.  So which am I? Good or bad? Does it really matter in the end?  Why do I have to judge myself for taking a little me time?  It didn’t kill us and we are still living paycheck to paycheck.  So we put it on the credit card and hope that Chris gets a big paying job.  Is it crazy? Maybe.  But it’s also self preservation.