Many years ago I was in the show Cabaret; in that show there is a big number called “Money”. The Emcee sings about how money makes the world go round and that everyone would rather have it than be poor. I have always thought that that statement rings true. Unfortunately since having kids I find that the idea of the song hits me a lot harder than before. Don’t get me wrong my family is not poor and living on the streets but we do live paycheck to paycheck. I work a 9 to 5 and make a decent living and my husband works freelance. We scrimp and save and put every penny to bills. There are days that we splurge but inevitably I feel guilty after. The other night my husband and I went out for a much needed adult night. We met some friends at a local restaurant. We had a great evening and by all accounts didn’t spend that much, about $60 between the two of us. It was time that we needed to reconnect with our friends and have a night away from the kids. Now in hindsight I feel so guilty about it. We spend money that could have gone to rent, car payments or any number of bills we have during the month. But no, I chose to selfishly spend it on myself for a night out. What kind of mother does that make me? Part of me says a bad one. I used that money for my own pleasure when it could have been better spent. Then again part of me says don’t beat yourself up. A good mother knows when she needs some time away to recharge. A good mother realizes that she needs a night out once in a while. So which am I? Good or bad? Does it really matter in the end? Why do I have to judge myself for taking a little me time? It didn’t kill us and we are still living paycheck to paycheck. So we put it on the credit card and hope that Chris gets a big paying job. Is it crazy? Maybe. But it’s also self preservation.
